Monday, September 24, 2012

Words and Actions of Affection.

It all started with a , " Hello. " 
And it went further to a , " Good morning beautiful. " After a while, it became " I love you sweetie. " Words of affection. What are they? 
"having or displaying tender feelings,affection or warmth."
So its just ways to show our love towards our loved one. Someways are to hug them , or give a kiss on the cheeks. Or maybe words like , " I love you. " or " Don't leave me. " Or just a simple , " Goodnight darling " will make one happy. 
Words and actions of affections.. I always wondered why it makes a person happy. It makes a person feel loved , and warmth from the heart. It just shows how much one loves  someone. 

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Deaths not forgotten.

Forget yesterday. We'll make a great escape. 

Have you missed someone so much who was once in your life ? 
Well, honestly , I did. Alot of times. But there is one person who I wouldnt forget ever. 
Bringing me up in this world -aside from my mom- . Making me happy with her awkward smiles and soothing me with her cold touch. Her stories that never fail to make me excited. 
Sitting beside me, bringing me to sleep. Although you were a very quite person.. I always had that feeling that I knew what you were thinking deep inside of you. When you passed away, I didnt noticed. You were sleeping beside me and my sister. Soundly. Peacefully. And suddenly, my sister cried. So loud, it woke up my whole family. And when she was the only one who didnt wake up, mom and dad grew worried. We tried to wake u up , but to no avail. We checked for breathing, but your soul have gone to a far away place. I cried so much that night. And because i was young.. I wasnt allowed to follow you to the cemetry. I wish I was awake earlier, to hear you last words. 

Other than her.. I miss my brother too.. Even though he wasnt really brought up in this world. Muhammad was in my mum's tummy, happily kicking her for 5 months. We were so happy. Mom and dad were their old selves again -cheerful and fresh- . We bought so much things for you, Muhammad. New shoes. New clothes. I even wanted to save my money to buy toys for you. But during the early 6th month, mum went to hospital to go for a regular check up.. Guess what? On that particular day, I had fever. 41.1 degrees was my highest. And when I came home from school, I felt as if my life is over. My aunt called me , to tell me that you passed away, Muhammad. Do you know how much I cried? 
I was punching the walls till my knuckles nearly bled. I was rolling on the bed, wailing as loud as I can. Crying buckets. I wanted a younger brother. I wanted to touch you, to hold you in my arms. (I know , this sounds as if im Muhammad's mother, but as my mom's first daughter, i kinda felt her pain. ) 
That night.. I couldnt sleep well. I keep tossing and turning on my bed, thinking about how much pain my mother is suffering. Muhammad, this month, you could have been sitting beside me, holding my index finger, and maybe biting it. I wouldnt have cried during that night, wouldnt have wasted my tears. But you are gone.. Before I could ever see your beautiful developed face. In 5 months.. I remember how happy I was. With mummy, buying things for you. And when we went to the hospital to take you out from mummy's tummy, I could see a little bit of your face, slowly developing. Your nose.. Like my younger brother's. Your eyes, closed tight. Muhammad, I miss you. 

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Time cannot erase.

I dont know why.. But ive been staring my eyes on my body nowadays.. And realise, that what's inside this uniform im wearing , im not really that.. Body perfect. And when I look at these fats, I just feel like dropping on the floor and cry so much. I feel like crap. And thinking that God isint fair. Felt like fucking the world, and just wanted to be alone..

But now that I see it, it really not that bad. When I stand infront this full body mirror, I told myself, '' youre beautiful. And even if no one tells you that, youre still freakin beautiful. " And everynight, before I go to bed, I will compliment myself. In every single way.
And you know what? Know,when I look at myself at the mirror before bathing , I feel good. Even though I have fats here and there , I feel better than before. It is because mentally, I keep telling myself that I am beautiful. That im not different from all those other artists out there.
And even if you dont find me beautiful, i wont give a freakin fuck. Because I know , God created me for who I am. And God created me like this to see who would be able to accept me in their lives. 

So when youre feeling ugly.. Just tell yourself youre pretty. Every single day, without fail. Cos, believe me , it works. Honestly. to everyone out there.. You may not be beautiful to some people's eyes, but maybe youll find someone who will love you for who you are. LOVE IS EVERYWHERE. You just have to stop and look for it.

Everyone is beautiful. Me , you , us. EVERYONE. Appreciate what God gave you, because God loves you. 

Monday, September 3, 2012

It never ends.

What will become of us , one day ? 

Today's topic. Hmmmmmm. FRIENDSHIP. Okay, so what can we talk about this so called, 'theme' ? 
Firstly, a sense of belonging. Have you ever feel like you're being used in group of friends, but don't want to tell them how you feel cos you are afraid they might just leave you ? Well.. He's the thing. If you know they are using you, so why the fuck do you even bother to care what they think ? They're the ones who freaking take advantage of you. And you deserve to be respected. Every single on of you . Okay so here's what you'll do. First, you can just tell them how you feel and tell them that you could be more respected and stuff. OR you can just leave them the way they are, and you can find other friends who you can mix well with .

Okay now another thing. You have A and A doesnt like B. But you, C , likes B as a friend but A doesnt wants you to be friends with B. So how is that gonna work ? Here's a tip. TALK ABOUT IT WITH A. If  A cant freakin control his/herself, then fuckthisshit. Seriously.. People should learn that best friends have other friends too. And they cant only stick to one. Thought best friends share things with each other, but there are some things they are worried about what their other best friend thinks and therefore, telling other closer friends. Sometimes, it works like that. And it takes time for people to notice that the friends they are having now, does not revolve around them. They may easily come and go. With one small fight, the victim will be rumoured by the other person. That's how life works. Yes, its unfair. But this is reality. 
Face it. 

In summary, friends are always there for you. But always becareful of who you mix around with. Some friends, yes, they may be annoying and too overprotective, but it all just means that they really care for you. That they dont want you too be hurt by someone else . They think that you deserve better. And that is what I have learnt. 

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