Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Deaths not forgotten.

Forget yesterday. We'll make a great escape. 

Have you missed someone so much who was once in your life ? 
Well, honestly , I did. Alot of times. But there is one person who I wouldnt forget ever. 
Bringing me up in this world -aside from my mom- . Making me happy with her awkward smiles and soothing me with her cold touch. Her stories that never fail to make me excited. 
Sitting beside me, bringing me to sleep. Although you were a very quite person.. I always had that feeling that I knew what you were thinking deep inside of you. When you passed away, I didnt noticed. You were sleeping beside me and my sister. Soundly. Peacefully. And suddenly, my sister cried. So loud, it woke up my whole family. And when she was the only one who didnt wake up, mom and dad grew worried. We tried to wake u up , but to no avail. We checked for breathing, but your soul have gone to a far away place. I cried so much that night. And because i was young.. I wasnt allowed to follow you to the cemetry. I wish I was awake earlier, to hear you last words. 

Other than her.. I miss my brother too.. Even though he wasnt really brought up in this world. Muhammad was in my mum's tummy, happily kicking her for 5 months. We were so happy. Mom and dad were their old selves again -cheerful and fresh- . We bought so much things for you, Muhammad. New shoes. New clothes. I even wanted to save my money to buy toys for you. But during the early 6th month, mum went to hospital to go for a regular check up.. Guess what? On that particular day, I had fever. 41.1 degrees was my highest. And when I came home from school, I felt as if my life is over. My aunt called me , to tell me that you passed away, Muhammad. Do you know how much I cried? 
I was punching the walls till my knuckles nearly bled. I was rolling on the bed, wailing as loud as I can. Crying buckets. I wanted a younger brother. I wanted to touch you, to hold you in my arms. (I know , this sounds as if im Muhammad's mother, but as my mom's first daughter, i kinda felt her pain. ) 
That night.. I couldnt sleep well. I keep tossing and turning on my bed, thinking about how much pain my mother is suffering. Muhammad, this month, you could have been sitting beside me, holding my index finger, and maybe biting it. I wouldnt have cried during that night, wouldnt have wasted my tears. But you are gone.. Before I could ever see your beautiful developed face. In 5 months.. I remember how happy I was. With mummy, buying things for you. And when we went to the hospital to take you out from mummy's tummy, I could see a little bit of your face, slowly developing. Your nose.. Like my younger brother's. Your eyes, closed tight. Muhammad, I miss you. 


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