Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Depending on people's smiles.

You are my tuxedo and I'm your bow tie.

I feel like utterly crap sometimes. When I know, that I can't make you people happy. When I noticed that life is actually not fair. I keep saying to myself that I wanna make people happy. That I'd go all out to make someone smile. Even if I had to hurt myself to make anyone smile.. Anyone. When people smile at me, its just.. heavenly. 
- pedophiles not included . -
So when I get to know.. That someone I truly care about isint smiling.. I tear up. I would just, cry. Cos someone in life, told me to keep helping people to smile. And ever since that day, I wanna help people smile. Even in th darkest days.. And after I make people smile.. Sometimes I myself don't feel happy at all. I guess seeing people smile, makes me smile too. I don't need entertainment or jokes to smile. I just need smiles to smile.
I know.. What I'm talking about today if just piece of shit. But honestly.. I survive on all your smiles. What happens if people on Earth doesnt smile..? I'd probably th first one dead. Because no one is happy. Because no one feels lovely. And I would blame myself more for not making each and everyone of them happy. 
That was how I grew up . 
I grew up depending on people's smile. Without smiles.. I just can't do anything.. Because I'll think to myself.. " I couldnt make this person happy. Not even a small smile. I hate myself. " 
This may sound weird, honestly. The first time I found out.. I find it weird too. 
But as me, Izzah, I love making people happy. Even if its someone I truly hate. And without happiness, I'd be dead by now. 


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