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*H A N A
Hey hey. Goes by the name of Hana or Izzah.
I'm sad and I post depressing shit most of the times. Tt kinda makes you think, kinda makes you cry. Read with warning. Some have left behind tears.
Leave if you hate what I write.
-That's me

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Meeting Myself Four Years Ago (Essay)
Wednesday, February 27, 2013 || Wednesday, February 27, 2013

-Meeting Myself Four Years Ago-
The student responds to the following prompt: "You have the opportunity to have lunch with
 the person you were four years ago. What about you has changed? What has stayed the 

If I had the chance to meet the person I was four years ago, I would definitely tell myself 
that I have changed so much. From my attitude and my view of life. 

Four years ago, I was a masochist and quiet girl. When alone, I would normally feel sad and 
lonely despite being bubbly and cheerful around my friends. I always had that feeling that 
life would be much better when I am gone.  Sometimes i feel as though the only way to calm 
myself was to harm my own body both physically and mentally.
This was the reason why I saw myself as a masochist. It started when 
I was at the age of 10, not knowing that molesting wasn't right. As Time flew by as i begin to
 understand that molestation was a sin. Looking back to the past, the experience of being
 a victim was so unbearable that it had traumatized me to the extend of being unable to voice
 out the horror of having to be a victim,leaving an unforgettable scar within me.Even my 
closest kin wasn't aware of the situation I've been facing since I couldn't 
utter a word about it to them, I was terrified if they knew, they would look at me differently, 
I didn't want to be judged. It continued for 4 
years and i was only aware of the wrongs after attending Sexual Education in school. The talk
 gave me courage to tell someone about my inner pain that had been haunting me so I went
 and explained it to someone who I knew wouldn't judge me, a counselor. After having
 heard my story, she went ahead and made a police report and it turned into a huge 
issue. My parents were devastated upon hearing the news and from then onwards,
 my family held a grudge and swore never to forgive the man who laid his filthy hands 
on their precious daughter.

4 years of suffering in the dark, I'm proud to say I've grown more mature and wiser all thanks to my counselor who had been through thick and thin with me.
Apart from all the advise she gave, she was stunningly beautiful with a smile that's able ti brighten and dull and boring day. 
I would often drop by her office and share my feelings with her as I know she'll always be by my side no matter how bad the situation is.
 Like this once, I wasn't sure why I felt lost and insecure. My feelings felt all messed
 up and i couldn't tell apart my real emotions. It felt like a mess. She then told me these 
exact words " It's all part of growing up, you'll be okay." her words of inspiration lifted my 
soul and changed my view of life itself. She is always there to motivate me whenever I'm 
feeling down. Every time I feel down 
and feel like I'm being used by the people in my school, she would make me feel wanted and 
happy again. She was like an older sister whom I never had. When I was younger, I had this
 dream of changing the world in anyway. And till today, I still have the faith to make that 
dream come true. I want to change the way people are being treated. Those who suffered 
from suicide, depression or any type of melancholy, I want to help them. 

When I meet who I was 4 years back , all I could say is that I have changed as a person. And
that I would never give up trying to be happy because I deserve to be happy and that no 
one has the right to bring me down. No matter how many people are making rumour about me
or how many people hate me, I still deserve to be treated with respect because in the end,
 I'm still human with feelings.