“A V I E ”
That One Night ; A story I wrote .
Sunday, December 8, 2013 || Sunday, December 08, 2013
The sound of thunder is as loud as ever. I'm home all alone, waiting for my mother to come home.
I'm scared.. Scared of what can harm me.
I don't want to be injured; mentally.
Everyone dislikes me, why do I still live?
I should just die.. Everyone would be better that way, right?
I typed the last letters on my blog, wanting my mother to hug me tight with full of warmth and care.. How I wish she was still here. She was the only being that still loves me. I was such a burden to everyone else, but my mother was the only one who gave me a reason to live.
But after she left this disgusting world 5 years ago, I've been finding another reason to live. To be happy.
However, no many how hard I tried, I failed & gave up. Because I would be better of dead.
I took out an album full of my mother's pictures and tears rolled down my red cheeks. How I wish she was still here to be able to tell me that she loves me and she will always protect me.
Why do people hate me, you ask?
Because I was a loser at school. Nobody likes me cos I was the biggest freak. Having known to be a loner to everyone else and nobody dared to come near me. To be honest, I am actually a fun person to be with.. But everyone seems to make fun of me because I have no father. The tease me all day long at school and throw rubbish at me. They follow me home and make fun of my broken family. They call me names that hurts me deeply inside. Everyday I feel so disliked I ended up skipping school and spent most of my time at this cafe, called " The Wallflower."
Basically, that place is full of people like me. People who are bullied and teased every single day, & have no one to turn to.. But what I really liked about this place is that ; there's this guy I really liked.
His name was Jason.. He had green eyes and his black hair falls down perfectly at his face. He has this piercing on his lips that makes him so sexy. But who knew this hottie was actually abused by his own parents was called and teased of being gay?(he actually isint) We would hang out by the cafe sometimes and drink our favourite chocolate latte and he would tell me the ways he wanted to commit suicide. I couldn't stop him.. Because he was really hurting inside and he couldn't take it anymore.
He tried to slit his wrist and ended up in the hospital , not in heaven.
Everyday, I would fall even deeply for him because of his background. I just feel like hugging him and tell him that it's gonna be okay, even though I know it won't be alright so soon. I was uneaducated, and unemployed.
He was abused and all day everyday, I would spent my time with him. Trying to make him feel wanted because obviously the parents didn't want him. I just love him so much..
That one night, he called up to me.
Hey.. can we meet up? I want to tell you something.
When he ended the call, my heart was beating so fast. Wondering what are the words he wanted to say.
I got up from bed and jogged my way to the cafe. There he was, drinking our chocolate latte and smilling at me. I walked up to him and sat. His hair was wet, maybe he just showered.
You know.. We've been meeting up and hanging out..
I.. I think I fell in love with you. I don't know how you feel about me but I really really
love you. I don't care if you don't like me back because this is how I feel.
I don't want you to be sad if I was to ever leave you the next day.
I just want you to know that I love you .
Was what he said.
I really love you too. Every single day, I fall even deeper. Because you knew how I feel.
Because we were always there for each other.
But.. what do you mean by leaving me the next day?
You can't do that.
I love you too much to let you go..
I replied him, crying my eyes out. He hugged me a kissed my softly on my lips. The kiss feels like eternity and I don't ever want to let this boy go. We talked for awhile and he wanted to sent me home.
We held hands on our trip back but I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable.
Why is my heart aching even though I'm holding hands with the boy I love?
At the doorstep of my house he said; I love you, remember that.
And before I could say anything, he left.
The next morning, I woke up to get the papers out my door.
And I saw this blue note, paste on today's paper.
My hands started to sweat as I opened up the note.
I love you, I really do. I was planning to bring you out tomorrow, but I can't take it no more. When I sent you home that night, a few kids from my school ganged up on me. They were calling me faggot and gay and was punching and kicking me. It hurt.. It really did. When they stopped, one of them peed on me, and all I could do was cry. My heart was aching so much but as I thought of your love for me, I decided to stay strong..
But when I went home, my parents were by the door. My mother was holding a cane and my father was holding a thick leather belt. I knew what was going to happen. I closed my eyes as they started beating me up. Screaming, " you ungreatful son!" and " why dont you just die!?" At that point onwards.. I couldn't bear it anymore.
Right now, I'm in my room , trying to stay alive.. I'm holding these pills and alcohol. But no matter what I am planning to do, I just want to let you know that I really really trully love you. I would love to hold your hand once again, but maybe.. we'll meet again up there. but not here, in this disgusting world.
But please don't die because of me. I want you to keep living. To make yourself happy and successful. I'll be waiting for you up here when the time comes.
I'll be waiting, I love you.