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*A V I E
Hey hey. Goes by the name of Vie
I really do hate myself. Read with warning. Some have left behind tears.
I don't really care if you like me or not.
- nil.

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I cry alone on nights like this

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“naive. ”
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masochist.
Tuesday, December 30, 2014 || Tuesday, December 30, 2014




Being so left out among the crowd,
I wish my words were heard out loud.
Only called when needed, 
throwing me away when work was completed. 
Doing things that I never enjoyed, 
they never knew I was this annoyed. 

but.... 

Never have I felt so alone,
I'm standing in this world on my own.
Done being pushed and tossed away,
I'll make sure these motherfuckers pay. 

Shit, why did I let it get over me?
I had the chance, the chance to flea. 
To fly away from my wicked mind,
Oh why was I so blind? 
My thoughts taunted me with revenge and anger, 
to throw them with words like a fast going dagger. 
I shouldn't fight them with the emotions I've kept for so long, 
but then they'll never know that what they did was wrong.

no,,, I shouldn't let this thinking overcome me. 
The consequences I should oversee. 
I'll destroy them with my bare hands, 
my feelings, no one ever understands.
Now they'll feel what I feel, 
as before me, I shall make them kneel.
Begging me for the safety of their lives,
but to me... no one survives.
This pain that I will let them suffer, 
which soon will only get tougher and rougher.

I sat down on a big, black chair, 
laughing, as I watch them crying in despair. 
'They're finally suffering.'  was the last words I said, 
as slowly, one by one, dead. 








candy & cocaine
Saturday, December 27, 2014 || Saturday, December 27, 2014



Differences. 
Everyone is so caught up in 'fitting in' nobody dares to be different anymore. We see girls wearing trendy clothes and trendy make up designs but where are the real them? Do we really honestly like these 'trends' or do we just follow it because everyone is doing so? Why are we so caught up in being who we are not when all we can be is ourselves. Honestly, I sometimes follow the trend too, but it comes to a point whereby by the end of the day, I figured that its too common and since everyone's doing it, why should I? I'm the type of person who lo-o-o-o-oves wearing dark clothes with tons of accessories. Followed by eyeliner, dark lipstick and sometimes nail polish. And unfortunately for me, being 'gothic' or shit is somewhat trending now and suddenly everyone wanna be punk and stuff. Wearing chokers and creepers and idk. Don't get me wrong, it looks good on some people. But for the others, its just not your style. 

Good that you have confidence to wear something different, but really.. Why not just be true to yourself? I know i've said this countless of times that everyone is beautiful in their own way. And yes, that is true. The only thing I'm trying to add is that girls.. You should have your own originality. Instead of following the trend that everyone is doing, why not try being different instead? And one day, someone will follow you and make it a trend. (cycle goes on, agh, that shit is annoying sometimes) 

I'm not hating on anyone, I promise! Because I have no right to judge. All in all, I like seeing girls happy the way they are. Not trying too hard to impress. Oh, and I saluuuuute people who wear sweatshirts to Town. You sure have a lot of guts (and a lot of staring eyes too). It just shows that you dgaf about what people think of the clothes you wear. I mean, everyone should have the right to dress the way they like, right? 

RIGHT! 

Long life the freedom the dress however the hell we want. *inserts a bitch emoji*  


post title
Monday, December 8, 2014 || Monday, December 08, 2014

Have you ever thought back and ask yourself.. "Could I have done better?" "What if I choose that instead of this?"

If you had the power to change one decision from your past, what would it be? Why must it be THAT decision, why not others? How much impact did it make, to make who you are are today. Do you think by changing that one decision of your life will make what your life now, better?
We all think it will.. But have ever stop to think about that what we were before, made us who we are now. There is always a reason why things from the past changed the way we act and the way we think. Be it bad or good, there will always be a reason and an answer to it. Some make us worst, like, we were a happy kid before and after that one choice, we became part of the darkness.
Some are good, like, we were quiet and anti social before but now, we changed to a smiley and happy go lucky kid.

Like I said, things happen for a reason. Some may not believe that, especially people who are pessimistic. But sometimes, we have to look at things at a different light. Are you stuck in a hole and you think that no one can save you?
Then dont stay in that hole, look for something that will help you get out. Don't stay in there and wait for your savior. Get up and stop crying like a little bitch. DO SOMETHING. Why stay in one corner when there is so many things that you can do?
Why trap yourself in a small black box when you can do so much more?
Its the same thing..
Why remember the past that will only make your present suffer? Why keep thinking about changing it, when we are so far from it? Changing it will make a difference, yes. But will it teach you the failures that you have faced so far? Will it teach you how to become a better person?
Why blame the things that we did in our past, when what we can blame is ourselves who keep remembering the things that we did, and the choices that we should have made. Stop, just stop looking back. Move forward.
It doesnt matter anymore, you can't cry about it anymore. What difference will it make, because we WILL NEVER have a chance to go back. We have to live life to its fullest, and take whatever  comes to us. I may sound stern and mean, but in all honesty, this is the truth. What else can we do?

We make a mistake, learn from it, and in the future, we know that we shouldnt do the same mistake twice.

Imagine if you tried changing your past and you did the 'right' thing. You wont learn from your mistake and instead, do the mistake in the FUTURE and it most probably will be worst because you're older. So can't you see? Open your eyes and believe that most of the things happen because of a reason. And if you can't find that particular reason, then get up, get out and explore the things that you have never explored before. The reason to your life may be hiding somewhere, or it got lost, trying to find its way to you.

I know, its difficult to stop thinking about what we used to do in our past. I think about it too, if you read my previous post. But after a long night of thinking, I guess, it happened for a reason. Sure, it may be a bad or a good idea to have choosen that choice, but if we fail, we can only get up and try again.

 and again. and again. and again.

Until we succeed and are finally able to be happy kids.




oh mirror
Thursday, December 4, 2014 || Thursday, December 04, 2014


We wake up every morning to look in the mirror, 
rubbing our tired eyes to make everything clearer. 
What we see was something to our horror, 
just plain, creepy terror. 
Our eyes show us our imperfections, 
we push ourselves to near destruction.
The food we eat became a sinful item, 
at night we get so very frightened. 
By the fact that with every small savory bite, 
we would try to pour it out all night. 

Why can't we stop to see? 
That no matter what, beautiful is what we'll ever be. 
Beauty in every shape and sizes, 
don't need for anymore disguises. 
Eat what we love, 
its the one thing we can never get sick of. 

Freckles on her cheeks, 
Scars on her hand, 
don't mean she's weak. 
it don't mean she's banned, 
from making the happiness she deserves. 
from making the happiness she reserves. 

As we slowly walk towards the glass reflection, 
what we wish to not see are our imperfections. 
But as each day goes by, 
we don't have to be shy.
Get up, get out and try.
Be yourself, bring out that smile, 
walk that walk , slide with style. 

Why do we always bring ourselves down?
I wish you could see how you look with that red gown.
Beautiful and happy, 
sassy and classy. 


stability
Tuesday, November 25, 2014 || Tuesday, November 25, 2014


emotions, oh my unstable emotions. 
Where have you been?
Its been awhile since i've last seen you. How am I? 
Oh yes, I have been perfectly fine. 
Why did you come back? Why did you come back to haunt me once again? 
I have become so happy and so cheerful, why did you appear right before my eyes.
To destroy the happiness I created from scratch. 
To destroy my mind once again, & to create another demon within my deep, dark soul.
To think about the things that will NEVER happen. 
But you,, you keep telling me that it WILL & everything I created will break. 
Into millions and millions of pieces and that nothing will ever be the same again. 
I hate you, unstable emotions. 
You make me insane, I never liked you. Life was perfectly fine before you came to seek revenge when i threw you away. 

Every seems to be telling that I should 'cheer up' and 'man up'. But how could I?
You're telling me not to otherwise.. you'll make things worst. 
I can't believe you came back.. Why now of all times? 
I am so tempted to just pick up a cigarette like the old times and forget about every. single. thing. 
but i can't. and I wont. I won't go back to where I was before but its too darn difficult. 
You're making me insane.. I can't think straight.
You keep telling me to push everyone away and to just keep everything to yourself.
Your reminder keeps playing over and over in my head.. 
Telling me how I'm never good enough and how nothing will ever love me again.
I'll never find happiness and that i have to fall once again.

The day i broke down, I knew you were coming back.
I bit my lips, trying not to scream , " fuck off!" 
I wanted to tell you to go away. To not come near me.


Maybe i'm crazy. 


we crave a different kind of buzz
Wednesday, November 19, 2014 || Wednesday, November 19, 2014


Isint it sad when you know you used to mean the world to someone and suddenly, when yguys don't keep in contact anymore, they forget about you, totally. 
There was this person, we'll call the person A. So A and I used to talk a lot, because A and I have a lot in common. Like, we used to listen to the same bands and A was facing depression as well. In the whole of A's 2 years, I was A's friend. I was there for A all day, err day. Everytime A needed me, I never fail to meet up with A. 
I wrote A letters because A always think that she's ugly. 
I always told her that she was beautiful and that someday, someone will love her the way she is. A was bullied a lot, and didnt had anyone much to talk to. Except me. And I was glad that I help A overcome her depression for the next 2 years. 
But I left secondary school, and A started to become popular. 
Even found a boyfriend and thats good, really, because I told her that one day she'll find someone that will take care of her. 
Don't get me wrong, though I'm bi, I never saw her more than a friend. A was just someone that I wanted to help because I could understand the pain she was going through. 
But the only problem was... She forgot who she used to be and who used to be there for her when she was at her darkest times. I dont know, maybe A only forgotten me, but its still.. Suckish to know that I used to mean a lot to someone and once they've tsunami-ed with popularity, they forgot the ones who cared for them before. 
No Hi's, No How are yous. A didn't even plan for an outing. 
I'm happy for her happiness honestly. 
But sometimes I wish, I could be a little more appreciated. 

Maybe its me, and my forever over thinking mind. 
I think about things that I shouldn't and even thinking about this incident with A was just a random thing. 
I get hurt over small things and I can't take rejection. 
I always feel jealous. Always. I just don't show it. 
Always feeling so.. lost and not knowing what to do in life. 
Its... a really slow night, and listening to my playlist full of shitty sad songs is not helping at all.

I wish... I just wish.. I could stop feeling this way. 


beauty
Monday, October 6, 2014 || Monday, October 06, 2014

(tbh, didnt know what to blog about today.)

beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. 

If you don't understand the meaning of that, let me explain. It just means that everyone has their own opinions on who looks ugly and whos not. 
So i went out yesterday and met a lot of my relatives which i havent seen in forever. 
Some of them were okay, just telling me about their lives and ask about mine.
But some just... Their words, kill me. yaknow?
" Oh Izzah, you've grown fatter." 
" Oh Izzah, why dont you loose weight?" 
" Izzah, you eat more than your mother."
" Izzah, your mother is skinnier than you." 
Yes, you guys are just telling me stuff that I already friggin know. Sure, I'm fat. But why does that bother you? Do my fats jiggle when I walk? no. Does that bother you? I'm the one who's fat, not you.
Strawberry always tells me I'm not fat. 
I'm starting to believe that I'm not, that I'm just a bit plump. 
Being fat is not healthy.
I know. But. 
I can still run, I can still do other things that others do. (most average person)
I can still sing and dance.
Yes, I can walk and crawl. 
I choose to think that I am beautiful in my own way.
Sure, my fats can disturb other people, but why do I care? 
I am my own body.
And even if you're skinny, you're beautiful too. 
You live your own life, dont let others destroy your mind. You are beautiful and I think so too. Why do you have to cry when people say otherwise? They're just losers trying to kill you. Remember, they dont owe you a living.
So what if you're not other people's defination of beautiful? You are your own beautiful and no one has the right to tell you otherwise. 
If you can sing, just go for it even though there are so many people destroying you mentally. You can sing, just go for it. 
If you can draw, forget what people think, show them who rock. Show the world your beautiful art, destroy the ones who destroyed you before.  
If you can dance, no matter what size you are, show them who's boss. Because i bet your ass that you can shake it better than them.  

--------------------------

You're beautiful.
Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. 
Everyone has their own opinion on who's beautiful and who's not.
But no one has the right to scold you for "being fat" or "being too skinny" or " being too ugly."
Because you are your own beauty, 
and don't let anyone destroy you with the words of,
" You're ugly." 

the unborn child /
Sunday, September 28, 2014 || Sunday, September 28, 2014

Its like there's cancer in my blood. 
Its like there's water in my lungs. 
And I cant take another step.
Please tell me I am not undone. 

---------

The start of the day I felt restless.
No smiles, face emotionless.
Grew tired of crying,
I ask myself,
"Why am I still trying?"
I forced myself out of bed,
I felt the migraine in my head.
Why do I feel this way?
Why can't the pain just go away?
Mother tried to help.
Father adopted a whelp,
for me.
Because of a disease he suffered,
he died soon after,

I covered the tears with laughter.
The painful memories still lies within me,
as I sailed his ashes off to the sea.

There's so many things that can make me happy,
Dont know why, but i need to feel pain badly.
Everyone hated the way I am,
But I couldnt give a damn.
Even though their words sting my heart,
I told myself that they can't tear me apart.
It wasn't my fault I lost him,
They took him away from me, The Grimm.
I clutched my stomach tight,
as I remembered that unholy night.
Whereby I lost the child
and all I did was smile.

breakdowns
Monday, June 23, 2014 || Monday, June 23, 2014


I don't know what's wrong with me today.
I woke up at 3am, perspiring and I had tears.
I honestly dont know what happened.
I went back to sleep, woke up again at 10am and again, tears.
My mood, completely destroy because of god knows what reason.
I sat at the corner of my room, thinking about the shit in life and my heart started to ache.
I thought to myself that I should die and earth wasnt the place for me.
I got up, slowly walked to the shower.
Sat there, and cried my lungs out.
I wanted to scream, but no voice came out.
I punched my chest, but my screams were never heard.
The tears just kept falling, so many emotions carried.
I honestly don't know the reason behind those tears,
but it honestly hurt.
I was so tempted to self inflict, but i couldnt.
I am clean for so long, i just cant.
I dropped the knife and left the shower.
My heart still aches.
god help me.


the lost kid
Sunday, June 15, 2014 || Sunday, June 15, 2014

His mother threw him against the walls,
"mother stop!" his voice echoes through the halls.
He fell on his knees,
bleeding and not at ease.
Crying for help,
no one heard his yelp.
His mother slapped him across his face,
blood from his head, he taste.
He built up all strength, got up,
out the door, he fell out.
Ran away as fast as he could,
coming back to this house he never would.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He's a lost child,
trying to find love,
out in the wild.
Its been five days.
Running and walking thru the woods,
he's hungry, searching for food.
He lays down on the grass to rest,
looking up, staring at all the nests.
Mothers built for their children,
safe, sound and never threatened.
" be gone child, no one wants you."
He remembered the words that were so damn true.
A tear he sheds,
and above the beautiful sky, dead

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

His mother staring up the sky
five days, the time pass by.
" Where has that boy went to?" 
She wondered about what to do.
The flashback came, 
the blood trickling down her son's face. 
She clenched her fists tight,
and hit her head on the walls, dazed.
The sound of her son's screams,
replaying in the ears like broken dreams.
Ran out of the house, panting. 
She wondered where that boy was staying.
She began her search,
into this cruel, sick world.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

He wakes up, broke into sweat.
Oh, he thought he was dead.
He looked around in this unfamiliar place. 
Staring from afar, a beautiful face. 
He came and held the boy,able to feel the pain.
As the clouds become darker, soon to rain.
He carried him in a cave, 
" hi, my name is dave."
Hearing his husky voice,
the boy pushed him away with all his force.
"Please dont hurt me, I'm already broken." 
And into a deep sleep the boy had fallen.





to be continued.

i need somewhere to begin with
|| Sunday, June 15, 2014

I fell in love once before, never did I knew it was such a scary feeling. But now, I wont be falling for that anymore. We broke up last night but I think I misplaced my heart somewhere in your basement. Now, why the heck did I do that for? As much as I miss you, I dont want to see you  nor do I want to hear your sweet voice.  I don't ever want to talk anymore but if you happen to find my heart, I'd be much obliged if you'd drop it off at my front door. And don't leave a note cause I swear if you wrote me, I'd probably take it all back.  I'm trying so hard.. and God only knows, I must stay on my toes. Cause I cant allow myself to do that. Yeah, I always wanted you to stay but now I'm wishing you away.
if this is what love feels like, Im done with it.
Us in a room, you'd whisper to me and we'd watch some tv as we lay on your living room floor. I miss the things we did but I dont want to see you nor do I want to hear your sweet voice.  Dont call me, I dont want to talk anymore but if you hapoen to think of me. Dont think that I will be waiting around like before. And dont call my phone cause I'm feeling alone and I'd probably take it all back.  As far as I know I used to always want you to stay but now... I'm wishing you away.  Yeah, if this is how love feels like... I'm done with it. 
I fell in love once before, now I wont be falling for that anymore.
Song is I fell in love once by Chase Coy.

i need more than ifs and maybes
Sunday, May 25, 2014 || Sunday, May 25, 2014


I wish I never felt this way. There's so many people around me. But I can't seem to be able to tell them anything about how I'm feeling. Why do I feel so lost in school. Feel like I don't and never will belong. I knew I'm not that important, but I would really enjoy some company while I'm walking alone. I don't want have the same interest as all of them. I need this small token of appreciation, yknow? I have so many things left to say. 
Why is it that a problem.
why can't I be wanted and missed too?
After all these months, it seems that I havent been able to move on. Everyone keeps telling that you aint worth it and its your loss that you decided to leave me. But tbh, I honestly think that I am the one at loss. Because you were ever so perfect, and you showed your love to me like no one else did. Its my fault that you left, aint it? 
My life was too complicated and you couldn't handle me. I was too emotionally unstable and you were afraid that I might kill myself if you do one single wrong thing. 
What's weird is that.. that one kiss, I still remember. How it all happened and what we did after that. 
How awkward it was to stand by your side. As we walked through the crowd. The staring eyes. The big buff guy and the fat short girl. 
It was never a pleasant sight in the first place. 
But it brightened up when you said my mother was your mother too. How cute and adorable your laughter was. 

I'm trying to move on so bad, but I just can't. I honestly don't know why, no matter how hard I try. I honestly don't know what to do next. My mind is so blank. We used to say, that we will always stick together. But now you're with somebody else. 
And I don't know what to feel, really. I'm happy you found someone who loves you like I do, but I'm so unsatisfied.  I promised to leave, and so I will.
Hope you're happy.


emotions
Tuesday, April 1, 2014 || Tuesday, April 01, 2014


So recently, I've been thinking a lot. Like seriously, a lot of shit. 
About things I shouldn't and should have done. Emotions destroy me,man.
I've been having so called 'dreams' that I don't want.. reminds me of you. (we can call it a nightmare somehow) 
I regret meeting you, yet I don't. The things I learnt after you left.
How strong I became after you disappear.
But the emotions that destroyed me when you slowly fade away from my life.
Fuck, you destroyed me.
Sleepless nights, don't wanna dream about you.
Why can't you just disappear from my head like how you did in real life?
Why does my heart still ache everytime I think about you?
I told myself... I must move on, I will, and I shall.
But why can't I do that? Why is that so freaking difficult? Did you know why I loved you so much?
Because you gave me the love I thought I deserved. 
More than I thought I did.
You gave me the attention I always wanted and the love than has be gone from this broken heart. 
You told me shit stories about your life and I told you mine. 
The late night calls and how we always fight about who to hang up first. 
The rate of how sleepy we are..
Fucking faggot.
If you're reading this, i honestly don't know what to say.
But don't think I'm still in love with you. Thats a big nono.
I just so happened to miss the love that I used to have. How many smiles I brought per day and the amount of laughter I gave out.
I just miss the warm and fuzzy feeling of being in love, and being loved. 
Everyday I ask myself, "why the fuck are you so pathetic? Why can't you just move on, focus on studies, friends and family?" 
It tears me inside how much you destroyed me and how perfectly fine you were.
I bet you didnt shed a tear, did ya.
Fucking brain of mine doesn't want to fucking forget the happy shit we did.
Please kill me.
Dying is so much better than remembering someone I used to love. 

maturity ;
Sunday, February 9, 2014 || Sunday, February 09, 2014

In all the posts you have seen and read, they will say shit like, " I have matured, and you havent. " And stuff.
But here, no, I'm not gonna say that.
I'm gonna say, that I'm immature, yet at times, I'm so darn mature, you won't believe I'm 17.
In the first year of my secondary school, did you know what I said to myself as I wore that fresh uniform? 
I said, " things are gonna change. I'm not gonna get bullied anymore. I'm gonna make friends who'll love me for who I am." 
2 years passed and everythings fine. Despite the small little shit that happened here and there.
But after a while, all of us started to get a little more sensitive and sometimes.. so fucking immature.
When we are angry, we tend to scold that particular someone on the social media.
I'm not gonna lie, I actually do that sometimes. Cuz its all human nature. We want that attention and want people to agree with us cuz in nature, all of us wants attention.
Don't bother saying you don't cuz you do.
What I'm trying to say is that, I'm done, getting stepped on and being told what to do and what not to do.
I maybe 17, but I have my own life and people shouldn't tell me what to do. (except at some point i have to listen to my parents)
I'm gonna delete the things that made me suffer and throw away all the misery and I have kept inside.
All this while, you guys thought I was okay, didn't you? 
When in reality, as you talk, never have I felt okay. I never felt so small in my whole before. 
Sure, we have fun and share smiles and laughter, but when it comes to work, 
you were never serious.
Whats the point of being the head when no one listens? 
What's the point of being the head when no ones gives a shit?
I'm done, so done.
No more being stepped , and pushed around.
I'm letting it go and leading my own life, right now.

I used to not being able to speak up and stand up for myself.
But now, you'll see. 
The lady that you made me become.
I'll finally stand for what's right and what's best for me.
I'm letting you go, and I'm never coming back.


death of you'
Thursday, January 30, 2014 || Thursday, January 30, 2014

I honestly dislike when someone disrespects someone else.Its fucking stupid when you disrespects their privacy. Its fucking childish if you make fun of that certain someone just because they're different from you.
So what if they are? Is there a problem being different?
Nope.
Because you people are so alike, its so fake.
Fake, plastic bitches.
You're like a balloon, I can just pop your body anytime, its just a matter of WHEN.
People with guts like yours, should just pop and disappear.
Don't think you're fucking cool just cuz you have shit loads of friends.
Um, excuse me, just because you have countless friends, doesn't mean they're stay loyal to you.
One day, you'll get into trouble with the world, and slowly, one by one, they'll slip away and leave you the fuck alone.
And by then, don't even try to come and beg me for forgiveness about what I'm going to do
.
Things I do , are fucking scary.
If you don't believe me, try me.
Mess with me, and I'll fucking destroy you bit by little bit.
You aren't worth my time,
but toying with you will be enjoyable since you like being the mean bitch.
Don't be surprised when your life starts to get bad.
Cos I will ruin all of you, and I never failed.
I may be this quiet emotional girl you never seemed to notice.
But this girl has a lot of things going in her mind, and have a lot of people who's backing her up.
This girl will be the death of you.

someone `
Wednesday, January 29, 2014 || Wednesday, January 29, 2014


Someone told me that I should always stand up for myself and whats right. But up till now, never did I had the balls to stand up for justice and that's quite disappointing really. I always stood at the back, just kept quite and just listen. But no one really knows what I'm thinking, because I was never allowed to. Everyone else thinks they're right, and I'm wrong. but its okay, since I'm already used to it.

Someone told me to be strong, to make the right choices in life. I hope I did and I still think back. Wondering whether I had made the right choices. It fears me sometimes. The things I had gone through before, and the things I'm am going to face in the future soon. I'm going in a path, no one actually thought I would. Everyone thought I would go to the 'better' path but only one told me to go wherever I want, as long as I make it later on. '

Someone encourages me to have dreams and hopes for my future. Told me to do what I want, and never discouraged me. Always advice me when I'm lost and got me back in that bumpy road.

I learnt how to never judge a person before knowing them. No matter how mean, bitchy and wild they look, you will never know how much that person has gone through. You will never know what is bothering them because many people never really gotten to know you. And its nice how you thought me this, because after you, I find it really easy to make friends who stays true to me.

It gets hard everyday, and everyday, this someone keeps me strong. Told me to never be afraid no matter how many people hates you.

One was hated, but one never gave up in faith. One always keep the faith.

Are you reading this? (I know you know who you are) Cuz if you are, I just wanna let you know how much you have changed me.





life ;
Monday, January 27, 2014 || Monday, January 27, 2014


What is life? No one knows the real definition is actually, but all in all, its just basically what we face every single day, hour, minute and second. 
It maybe shitty it may be good, but we all have to know, that everything happens for a reason, no matter what we do.
But here are things that I have learnt in my 17 years of living ;
  1. Life doesnt always goes the way you want it to be.
  2. People can always betray you now matter how nice and friendly they seem to be.
  3. You can't always be nice to people.
  4. Stand up for what is right, no matter how risky it maybe. Cuz one day, you'll get payed back for the good you did.
  5. Always smile and don't let people bring you down.
  6. If people tend to tease you and bully you, don't provoke them anymore. Just ignore, move forward and they'll eventually get bored of disturbing you.
Even though life has its shitty days, there are times where you can be truly happy when you spent your times with the people you love.  

Life has its happiness. 

Don't always look at the unhappiness in your world, just try to look at a different perspective and life will be okay. Don't worry, I'll always be there for you if you need someone to talk to. Just FB pm me or DM me in Twitter.
I will always be here.

Sunday ;
Sunday, January 26, 2014 || Sunday, January 26, 2014

I have never felt so alone. 

Like.. today, i feel like shit. I don't know why, but I just do. What's the point of making friends when in the end, some of them decides to back stab you like a motherfucker?
I know, I have my own bunch of friends. 
but i can't help it, i still feel this loneliness deep within.I see all around, couples, best friends.. And me, here, alone, in this dark room almost crying like a bitch.
It hurts. 
feeling this way, and thinking to yourself that you have no one to talk to and share everything too. 
I can't talk about loving a girl to anyone.
I can't talk about my complications at home to anyone.
I can't express how I feel to anyone.
Because no one will be able to understand it and stay by my side.
What will I become in the future? 
I'm a loser that all the popular kids find crazy, 
mental
retarded.
I'm that kid who makes friends with those quieter ones.
but those quieter ones are the ones who are the most nicest, friendliest and loyal because they stay true.
Oh am I glad to have met the friends I have made, and let go the ones who have hurt me and betrayed me.

But again, no matter what, this loneliness can't seem to be erased. 

It's always hurting inside.


being yourself.
Friday, January 24, 2014 || Friday, January 24, 2014


whats wrong with being different eh?
I wonder.
Like, seriously, what we do in our lives, isint really supposed to affect other people.
What we do with our life, is actually our decision, and its up to us.
What risks we take, its our problem.
Because it is OUR life, and not theirs.
So why are we all so afraid of being ourselves?
Being the real person is much much better than being a fake bitch.
Get out of that shell and be who you truly are.
If you're a bitch, then stop being nice to everyone and show people what kind of bitch you are.
If you are actually nice, then be nice and stop treating people like shit and feel bad inside.
If you're lonely, make friends and talk to people.
If you hate company, keep one or two friends by your side and stay loyal to them and make sure they do the same, cuz not everyone is as loyal as you think they are.
If you need love, craving for it, find it.
Get out and find your romeo (but dont be so desperate la), skali he stuck in a toilet bowl or something.

if you're gay, its okay. 

because we are all different. Its okay to be different.
be yourself.
If you're a girl, and you love the same gender, then its okay.
Its still love.
No matter what gender, skin colour he or she in.
Its still love.
No one can stop you from being who you are.
If you're a guy, and you love the same sex,
its still okay.
Its always love.
It always was.
Never change who you are for other people.
Don't bother about what they say and how many times they insult you.
Because you know deep inside, that you can't change no matter how much you tried to.
I know that feel.
Don't die, just because others don't accept you.
There are bound to be others who will accept you for who you are.
No matter what sexuality you love.

Because it is okay.



Always be yourself, because being similar is too mainstream.
No matter how people look at you and how they react to yourself,
don't worry bout it.
Cuz their judgement is not worth it.
As long as you are happy with yourself, then that's okay.
Because all of us has something we are good at.
You may not have found it yet, but one day, you will, and one day, you'll learn to accept it and treasure it.

be who you are.