Tuesday, April 1, 2014

emotions


So recently, I've been thinking a lot. Like seriously, a lot of shit. 
About things I shouldn't and should have done. Emotions destroy me,man.
I've been having so called 'dreams' that I don't want.. reminds me of you. (we can call it a nightmare somehow) 
I regret meeting you, yet I don't. The things I learnt after you left.
How strong I became after you disappear.
But the emotions that destroyed me when you slowly fade away from my life.
Fuck, you destroyed me.
Sleepless nights, don't wanna dream about you.
Why can't you just disappear from my head like how you did in real life?
Why does my heart still ache everytime I think about you?
I told myself... I must move on, I will, and I shall.
But why can't I do that? Why is that so freaking difficult? Did you know why I loved you so much?
Because you gave me the love I thought I deserved. 
More than I thought I did.
You gave me the attention I always wanted and the love than has be gone from this broken heart. 
You told me shit stories about your life and I told you mine. 
The late night calls and how we always fight about who to hang up first. 
The rate of how sleepy we are..
Fucking faggot.
If you're reading this, i honestly don't know what to say.
But don't think I'm still in love with you. Thats a big nono.
I just so happened to miss the love that I used to have. How many smiles I brought per day and the amount of laughter I gave out.
I just miss the warm and fuzzy feeling of being in love, and being loved. 
Everyday I ask myself, "why the fuck are you so pathetic? Why can't you just move on, focus on studies, friends and family?" 
It tears me inside how much you destroyed me and how perfectly fine you were.
I bet you didnt shed a tear, did ya.
Fucking brain of mine doesn't want to fucking forget the happy shit we did.
Please kill me.
Dying is so much better than remembering someone I used to love. 

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