Sunday, May 25, 2014

i need more than ifs and maybes


I wish I never felt this way. There's so many people around me. But I can't seem to be able to tell them anything about how I'm feeling. Why do I feel so lost in school. Feel like I don't and never will belong. I knew I'm not that important, but I would really enjoy some company while I'm walking alone. I don't want have the same interest as all of them. I need this small token of appreciation, yknow? I have so many things left to say. 
Why is it that a problem.
why can't I be wanted and missed too?
After all these months, it seems that I havent been able to move on. Everyone keeps telling that you aint worth it and its your loss that you decided to leave me. But tbh, I honestly think that I am the one at loss. Because you were ever so perfect, and you showed your love to me like no one else did. Its my fault that you left, aint it? 
My life was too complicated and you couldn't handle me. I was too emotionally unstable and you were afraid that I might kill myself if you do one single wrong thing. 
What's weird is that.. that one kiss, I still remember. How it all happened and what we did after that. 
How awkward it was to stand by your side. As we walked through the crowd. The staring eyes. The big buff guy and the fat short girl. 
It was never a pleasant sight in the first place. 
But it brightened up when you said my mother was your mother too. How cute and adorable your laughter was. 

I'm trying to move on so bad, but I just can't. I honestly don't know why, no matter how hard I try. I honestly don't know what to do next. My mind is so blank. We used to say, that we will always stick together. But now you're with somebody else. 
And I don't know what to feel, really. I'm happy you found someone who loves you like I do, but I'm so unsatisfied.  I promised to leave, and so I will.
Hope you're happy.

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