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*H A N A
Hey hey. Goes by the name of Hana or Izzah.
I'm sad and I post depressing shit most of the times. Tt kinda makes you think, kinda makes you cry. Read with warning. Some have left behind tears.
Leave if you hate what I write.
-That's me

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flutter's fairytale
Tuesday, June 24, 2014 || Tuesday, June 24, 2014

mind you, i edited these two different pictures, it took me like friggin 2 hours ok. technology sucks bleh.

Hi, my name is Flutter. My age is secret and as you can see, I have wings. And with wings, I can fly. (ah, you dont say!) I'm a ginger and welp, i have pretty blue eyes. Don't be jealous. You can't say that I'm a quiet girl because I'm not. I'm really loud but I keep things to myself. Well, some things. Most things, I will tell my best friend. Yes my best guy friend I have been in love with quite awhile now. 
Nightfire.
 The cool and hip guy who has the power to control the weather. Brunette with perfect green eyes that can take your breath away. 

Nightfire.
I remember the shit we used to do when we were younger. Before we entered Alice-Anna Academy, we were young rebels. Finding and creating trouble wherever we go. We would steal candy, throw toilet paper at stranger's house and beat up kids. But yeah, after Nightfire lost his dad, he changed. Eventually, I did too. (what can i do, i was deeply in love with this son of a gun).
On the day Nightfire's dad passed, he gave me a red cloak, to keep myself warm. I always asked him why he gave it to me, but he would always keep quiet. 10 years gone, and I still don't know the reason. But anyways, it doesnt matter. I got a cloak from the love of my life. (or so I thought)

Alice-Anna Academy is filled with Goblins, Trolls, Witches, Wizards, Skeletons and Vampires. We don't really study here. We just learn basic math, English and how to control our powers. (cool aye?) So after school, Nightfire was waiting for me outside class to catch up with out tv series, 2 Broke Girls. Walking thru the corridor, people staring, thinking that we're couple. Unfortunately tho, we're not. And that sucks, bad. 
But then, dundundun!
Cloud gave me a sneak peck on the cheeks and burst out into laughter. I gave a punch on the shoulder as my face flushed red.

" what the freaking freak Fire! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?" 

Still laughing, he answered, " Welp, we gotta give our audience some free show right?" 

With that, he just walked. 
And I followed behind him, still confused. 
He never told me he likes me nor did he ever said that we were together. 
I called his name to wait me up, as we ride all the way to his house..

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Isint this a perfect and beautiful story? ha ha ha. Hope you enjoy it till here. 
You're gonna hate what happens next. 

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Always, Nightfire would always wait me up at my front door so we could ride together to school. Naw, we're not together, its just that, mom's always busy and she cant give me a ride to school so Night's always up and early, waiting for me by the porch.
As I stepped out the front door, this beautiful man greeted me with a smile. His perfect features never fails to make my knees jelly and my heart pump so hard. Too bad, he ain't mine. I ran out, grabbed a helmet and held on his waist as we ride along the quiet street. His cologne was knocking by the entrance of my nose. The smell I love. Remember the cloak he gave me when we were younger? Well. it has his smell on it, and I wear it EVERYDAY to school. Just to pretend that he's there even though we were having different classes. I closed my eyes as the wind hits my skin, its a perfect day.

We reached school and the first class we had together was Math. Agh Math. I hate Math.
Walking in, we discovered a crowd. Being the busy bodies that we are, we joined the crowd to see what was happening.
There was a new girl in school!
She is really pretty.
Long and black hair.
Perfect pink lips.
Had boobs and a butt.
Her features were too perfect, I stepped back and stare at Night. His eyes were glittering at the sight of this new girl. I called his name, but he was too engrossed in that girl's butt. Annoyed, I just stormed off to class.

Skydust.


UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME, that girl HAD to be in the same Math class as us. Her name, is Skydust. She's the Princess of Fairies, so that explains her beautiful-ness. (if that's even a word). She sat beside me in class and asked for my name. I reaaaaally didn't want to talk to her but seeing how nice she is, I gave her my name and look straight to the front. She was sitting in the middle of me and Night and THEY WONT STOP TALKING. Do you know how hard it is to concentrate in class and here to people babbling over Princess stuff? Gah, this is why I don't hang out with the princesses in school.

The ring goes off and its lunch time. Seeing that Nightfire was still talking to that girl, I just left class with my books in hand. Yes, you can say I'm pretty jealous. But what can you do, right? Seeing your crush into someone else. I was thinking on catching up with Jenny, that nerd girl in my Flight class cuz I seriously need help with my wings. I can't seem to fly well and everytime I tried, it seems to hurt. (explains why I always ride to school with Cloud on a bike).
Rushing to the canteen, I heard my name being called by a distance.

" Flutter! Why did you go off so fast? Lets eat lunch together with Skydust!"

 Nights's voice echoed through the halls. At first, I was happy that he actually called out my name, but he had TO INVITE SKYDUST DIDN'T HE. Welp, I guess I had no choice. Silently, I turned around and sat with the Princess and the frog. They kept on yapping about more princess stuff and it was really getting into my nerves. Thank god I don't have anymore classes with them. I would probably killed them both.

"Flutter, why are you so quiet?" Skydust asked, concerned.

I was in my own mind, so I didn't answer.

" Flutter? " She shook me.

My eyes opened wide, " ah! Yes?"

" Why are you so quiet? " She asked, again.

Lazy to reply, I just shrug my shoulders and told her that I wasn't in the mood.
You know, as best friends, when one of them says that they aren't in the mood, the other would normally ask why? Well, Night always asks. But today, he just kept staring at Skydust and totally ignored me.

Lunch ended.
And I went to class with a really angry mindset. I took a sit next to Jasper, the cool ass vampire kid who cares about no one at all.
So, the teacher entered the class and she thought us shit about our powers and blah blah blah.
and then we had a project.
We had to take photos that has the meaning of "Life" behind it.
I actually thought that it was a really easy project and wanted to partner up with the usual Jenny but she was already taken and I guess I have to work alone.
Just then.
Jasper tapped my shoulder, his fingertips cold, it sent a shiver down my spine.

" Aye, Flutter. Ya wanna partner up?"

I thought I was dreaming. Is this really that loner Jasper who wants to partner up?
WITH ME?
He sense that I was freaking out and leaned closer to me, 

" Ill hit you up soon and we could meet up to do the project. Aye? I won't take no for an answer."

the bell rang and he smirked.

School ended.

And I went home,

all alone. 


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HA CLIFFHANGER. dont you like it when this happens?
Heh, I'll be continuing your story soon, Chermain. In the meanwhile , you can keep guessing what happens next :P

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breakdowns
Monday, June 23, 2014 || Monday, June 23, 2014


I don't know what's wrong with me today.
I woke up at 3am, perspiring and I had tears.
I honestly dont know what happened.
I went back to sleep, woke up again at 10am and again, tears.
My mood, completely destroy because of god knows what reason.
I sat at the corner of my room, thinking about the shit in life and my heart started to ache.
I thought to myself that I should die and earth wasnt the place for me.
I got up, slowly walked to the shower.
Sat there, and cried my lungs out.
I wanted to scream, but no voice came out.
I punched my chest, but my screams were never heard.
The tears just kept falling, so many emotions carried.
I honestly don't know the reason behind those tears,
but it honestly hurt.
I was so tempted to self inflict, but i couldnt.
I am clean for so long, i just cant.
I dropped the knife and left the shower.
My heart still aches.
god help me.


the lost kid
Sunday, June 15, 2014 || Sunday, June 15, 2014

His mother threw him against the walls,
"mother stop!" his voice echoes through the halls.
He fell on his knees,
bleeding and not at ease.
Crying for help,
no one heard his yelp.
His mother slapped him across his face,
blood from his head, he taste.
He built up all strength, got up,
out the door, he fell out.
Ran away as fast as he could,
coming back to this house he never would.

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He's a lost child,
trying to find love,
out in the wild.
Its been five days.
Running and walking thru the woods,
he's hungry, searching for food.
He lays down on the grass to rest,
looking up, staring at all the nests.
Mothers built for their children,
safe, sound and never threatened.
" be gone child, no one wants you."
He remembered the words that were so damn true.
A tear he sheds,
and above the beautiful sky, dead

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His mother staring up the sky
five days, the time pass by.
" Where has that boy went to?" 
She wondered about what to do.
The flashback came, 
the blood trickling down her son's face. 
She clenched her fists tight,
and hit her head on the walls, dazed.
The sound of her son's screams,
replaying in the ears like broken dreams.
Ran out of the house, panting. 
She wondered where that boy was staying.
She began her search,
into this cruel, sick world.

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He wakes up, broke into sweat.
Oh, he thought he was dead.
He looked around in this unfamiliar place. 
Staring from afar, a beautiful face. 
He came and held the boy,able to feel the pain.
As the clouds become darker, soon to rain.
He carried him in a cave, 
" hi, my name is dave."
Hearing his husky voice,
the boy pushed him away with all his force.
"Please dont hurt me, I'm already broken." 
And into a deep sleep the boy had fallen.





to be continued.

i need somewhere to begin with
|| Sunday, June 15, 2014

I fell in love once before, never did I knew it was such a scary feeling. But now, I wont be falling for that anymore. We broke up last night but I think I misplaced my heart somewhere in your basement. Now, why the heck did I do that for? As much as I miss you, I dont want to see you  nor do I want to hear your sweet voice.  I don't ever want to talk anymore but if you happen to find my heart, I'd be much obliged if you'd drop it off at my front door. And don't leave a note cause I swear if you wrote me, I'd probably take it all back.  I'm trying so hard.. and God only knows, I must stay on my toes. Cause I cant allow myself to do that. Yeah, I always wanted you to stay but now I'm wishing you away.
if this is what love feels like, Im done with it.
Us in a room, you'd whisper to me and we'd watch some tv as we lay on your living room floor. I miss the things we did but I dont want to see you nor do I want to hear your sweet voice.  Dont call me, I dont want to talk anymore but if you hapoen to think of me. Dont think that I will be waiting around like before. And dont call my phone cause I'm feeling alone and I'd probably take it all back.  As far as I know I used to always want you to stay but now... I'm wishing you away.  Yeah, if this is how love feels like... I'm done with it. 
I fell in love once before, now I wont be falling for that anymore.
Song is I fell in love once by Chase Coy.

welcome to the not so perfect life
Friday, June 13, 2014 || Friday, June 13, 2014

Know what sucks the most? When you're at home alone and shits got you thinkin bout the love and care I dont deserve. And how other people should have it instead. Thinking back, I've always pushed away the things I think I shouldnt deserve because I might end up hurting them if they stayed. People told me they loved me, and I always had trouble saying it back because I will just end up hurting them. It has always been that way and its been awhile since I felt loved. 
To those I have kept my distance, I'm really truly sorry.
I have shoved you aside because I figured your love should be for someone else.
Sure, I may be happy.
I may seem like I've moved on.
But I still think of all our memories. 
As much as I try not to push you away, I end up doing it.
Because hurting you will what I end up doing.
Even the friends I have now, I will just end up doing what I always do. 
This habit, its getting worst day by day because i've becoming more silent. 
I had no one to share anything to.
Because I cant seem to feel no shit.
No one told me that I was beautiful.
No one told me how much they love me.
I keep insulting people because thats my way of keeping my distance. 
Pushing away people has been a way for me not to get hurt and not to get others hurt. 
I always believed that I should never deserve love.
I always believed that I should never deserve the attention others are giving me.
Because I never deserve such good people I've been keeping my side all this while. 
Ever since I was young, every since that incident, I told myself that I should and will never be loved. I told myself how ridiculous my life is and I should just lay down and suffer. 
You guys won't be able to understand this feeling; but this is it.
After all this while, ive been keeping this huge secret. 
Of why I keep pushing people away.
Its because ever since I was young, someone took my emotion to cherish people.
Why do you think I cry every night, thinking about the things I try to do well but cant? 
Why do you think I'm always quiet at times?
Its because I'm finding ways to change, 
but the things never get thru me.
I'm sorry guys.
It ain't your fault.
It has always been mine.

no kid should ever believe like they deserve the cuts on their wrists
Monday, June 9, 2014 || Monday, June 09, 2014





Haven't been updatin in awhile because school's been a pain in the ass and when I do get home early I would probably spent my time watching random videos, AoT or just waiting for new eps of 2 Broke Girls, Bates Motel & AoT to come out. As you can see, my life is just a boring piece of shit so its normal when people do leave. 

I didn't have any idea of what I wanted to write today but I just decided to let my fingers do all the talking; the thoughts that I can't get out of my mouth. I don't know why, but things have been distracting me lately. About how Singaporeans can't stop being so narrow minded and looking down on gays, lesbians and transexuals. I mean, its how they were born and you just can't change it. Sure you may hate on them and throw insults but what they have; is true love. They faced so many shits in school and so many hates, they got back up and found each other. They weren't afraid of the staring eyes because they have found the love of their life. Have yguys ever thought that even though you hate them, it wont make any difference at all? They are still bound to be other gays and lesbians out there, roaming, desperate to find their soulmates because you wouldn't let them. You insult them till your lungs burst and to you, they are 'disgusting'. Seriously, they are they and you are you. Why do you care who they put they hands on? Why do you care who they kiss? Why do you care so much about them? They're arent doing any harm. 

Some of you may complain about shit like ' gays and lesbians wont bring the population up' . oh wtf? are you saying that those straight couples are? PLEASE. Most of them are so money minded, they don't even want to have kids who would cope up their time. Instead, its those gays and lesbians who wants kids.  Such, an, irony. 

To those who have lesbian or gay parents, I salute you for dodging the bullets of insults and hate and still held on to the believe that IT IS true love and no one can change that. This, im not only speaking of Singaporeans. This involves the whole world. The ever changing world. Where technology are getting more advance and kids only want sex and not love. Why can't you just let those gays and lesbians marry? Why do you ban them? If to you, its a sin, so what? Its their afterlife, do you have anything to do with it? 

Think about it and reflect. I've tons or lesbians and gay friends and none of them are disgusting with their partners at all. Infact, they're too cute and lovely sometimes I wish I had someone to cuddle and love too. What I'm saying is, no matter what sexual orientation are, they're still human with feelings. They still feel love, but just for the same gender. And no matter how my parents are against it, I don't mind. Because its their life and not mine. No one should be able to restrict them to small things that they wouldnt like. Why match them up when they dont even feel love? 

Get over the fact that these people, DO EXISTS. And no matter what you do to destroy them, they will still be there. Some of you guys are too young to understand and thats fine. But just don't let your views of gays and lesbians be bad. They're nice and friendly people. Stop thinking so much  this matter and let it go. If you don't like them, shut up. You have no rights to destroy their love and they have the freedom to be with whoever they like. 

I'm speaking in the point of view of every straight girl trying to protect LGBT. what about you?