Tuesday, November 25, 2014

stability


emotions, oh my unstable emotions. 
Where have you been?
Its been awhile since i've last seen you. How am I? 
Oh yes, I have been perfectly fine. 
Why did you come back? Why did you come back to haunt me once again? 
I have become so happy and so cheerful, why did you appear right before my eyes.
To destroy the happiness I created from scratch. 
To destroy my mind once again, & to create another demon within my deep, dark soul.
To think about the things that will NEVER happen. 
But you,, you keep telling me that it WILL & everything I created will break. 
Into millions and millions of pieces and that nothing will ever be the same again. 
I hate you, unstable emotions. 
You make me insane, I never liked you. Life was perfectly fine before you came to seek revenge when i threw you away. 

Every seems to be telling that I should 'cheer up' and 'man up'. But how could I?
You're telling me not to otherwise.. you'll make things worst. 
I can't believe you came back.. Why now of all times? 
I am so tempted to just pick up a cigarette like the old times and forget about every. single. thing. 
but i can't. and I wont. I won't go back to where I was before but its too darn difficult. 
You're making me insane.. I can't think straight.
You keep telling me to push everyone away and to just keep everything to yourself.
Your reminder keeps playing over and over in my head.. 
Telling me how I'm never good enough and how nothing will ever love me again.
I'll never find happiness and that i have to fall once again.

The day i broke down, I knew you were coming back.
I bit my lips, trying not to scream , " fuck off!" 
I wanted to tell you to go away. To not come near me.


Maybe i'm crazy. 

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