Wednesday, November 19, 2014

we crave a different kind of buzz


Isint it sad when you know you used to mean the world to someone and suddenly, when yguys don't keep in contact anymore, they forget about you, totally. 
There was this person, we'll call the person A. So A and I used to talk a lot, because A and I have a lot in common. Like, we used to listen to the same bands and A was facing depression as well. In the whole of A's 2 years, I was A's friend. I was there for A all day, err day. Everytime A needed me, I never fail to meet up with A. 
I wrote A letters because A always think that she's ugly. 
I always told her that she was beautiful and that someday, someone will love her the way she is. A was bullied a lot, and didnt had anyone much to talk to. Except me. And I was glad that I help A overcome her depression for the next 2 years. 
But I left secondary school, and A started to become popular. 
Even found a boyfriend and thats good, really, because I told her that one day she'll find someone that will take care of her. 
Don't get me wrong, though I'm bi, I never saw her more than a friend. A was just someone that I wanted to help because I could understand the pain she was going through. 
But the only problem was... She forgot who she used to be and who used to be there for her when she was at her darkest times. I dont know, maybe A only forgotten me, but its still.. Suckish to know that I used to mean a lot to someone and once they've tsunami-ed with popularity, they forgot the ones who cared for them before. 
No Hi's, No How are yous. A didn't even plan for an outing. 
I'm happy for her happiness honestly. 
But sometimes I wish, I could be a little more appreciated. 

Maybe its me, and my forever over thinking mind. 
I think about things that I shouldn't and even thinking about this incident with A was just a random thing. 
I get hurt over small things and I can't take rejection. 
I always feel jealous. Always. I just don't show it. 
Always feeling so.. lost and not knowing what to do in life. 
Its... a really slow night, and listening to my playlist full of shitty sad songs is not helping at all.

I wish... I just wish.. I could stop feeling this way. 

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