“naive. ”

July 2013 December 2013 January 2014 February 2014 April 2014 May 2014 June 2014 September 2014 October 2014 November 2014 December 2014 January 2015 February 2015 March 2015 June 2015 January 2016 May 2016 August 2016 September 2016 November 2016 January 2017 October 2018 November 2018 December 2018 January 2019 February 2019 April 2020 May 2020 December 2022 August 2023

green tea on her lips
trying forget all the bad feelings
just wanna lay down
just wanna cry it out
just wanna slit her thighs and forget it all

curled self into a ball
bed in a mess just like her mind
tissues all over,
when will this ever end?
hands against her chest
breathing in and out,
gasping for air
desperate for help
but to seek?
never.

as she laid down by herself
she felt it on the tips
dark red
with spots of fear
anxiety
despair and
loss

in the shadows
she knows she's not alone
she wanted the voices to go away
but all she ever hear was
'not good enough'
'everyone will leave you'
'no one will remember you'
replaying in her head
like a millennial pop song

she covers her eyes
with a stained gift
sighing out loud as she choked for a bit
wishing everything will be better,
prays that one day she'll,
love herself forever & after
begging god knows who,
that her overflowing thoughts
will one day,
shut down for good

but she knows,
no matter how much
she gets on her knees
how much she
begs and sobs
she'll never be better
because her heart will never
turn into a clearer color