Slothful *

“naive. ”

mourning

Thursday, January 17, 2019 || Thursday, January 17, 2019

Do i cross your mind in the mornings
or am i, from your mind, fading
into a thin piece of
'because she'll never leave'?

do you stay because you want to
or do you
fear the emptiness
fear the broken hearts & salty tears

when you close your eyes
when you go outside
will you think of me,
or are your feelings for me like the dead sea?
quiet and stagnant
awfully resistant
its like the love was too far to reach,
too far to obtain
and too tired to try

as we hold hands,
does it still make your heart flutter?
and as my love for you withstands,
am i finally better than her?
do you still think of what you once had,
still feeling sad
about something you left behind
but its still at the back of your mind?

the treasures you gave me was a reminder
that you love me more than her
yet on those quiet nights,
my mind constantly picking fights
with my thoughts,
gunshots, slingshots, all tied up in knots

&dead

Wednesday, January 9, 2019 || Wednesday, January 09, 2019

hey
call me back
i miss your voice
i want your touch
why did you leave without
'i love you'

nights like this make me feel
as though you love me less
everyday
i just hope that you
wont leave me someday
when you realize
how boring i can be
how lame i am
how i'm not your type

looking at myself
i still wonder why me?
you tell me that it doesnt matter
but i'm telling you that it does

why me and not her?
she's prettier
better
nicer
while i'm
not.
i'm nothing like you want your future to be
and that's why i'm still afraid
that you'll leave me one day

as many times as you tell me you wont
this feeling inside just wont leave me alone
i still want to die
i still fear being left alone
i dont wanna cry
i dont
but why can i stop?

listening to a happy tune
yet crying with a smile
i wish i could die
wish that heaven nor hell exist
just want to stop living
and disappear forever

no fear
no emotion
no life
leaving everything behind
i just wanna die