sometimes i wonder if this is what i want
i'm so tired.. so lonely
what do i have to do, to forget about these feelings. these emotions?
am i making the right decisions, or am i just making mistakes after mistakes?
i'm scared.. i'm scared of being wrong
i am scared that all i'm doing now, will destroy the 'bright' future that i might have
what if i wont survive in the future?
to fall into a deep deep hole of.. sadness and failure and loneliness..
i'm always so scared of being alone
i know i'm not but i feel like it
like no one truly understands me and no matter how many times i try
to explain how i feel, pretend i'm ok,
it never seems to be ok.
all the pilled up emotions just keeps coming back to haunt me
and tell me that
i'm not good enough and
that i will never be enough.
its so tiring sometimes.. to be able to understand people's emotions so easily
and tell them what they need to hear.
but when it comes to me.. it seems like no one can ever fully and truly understand
what it feels like,.
to be me.
to be sad, but not that sad. to just be a floating cloud, with no special ability.
no special anything. i'm like a side character, to make the main character shine.
i'm just an NPC, to give people's side quest, but never able to do the quest myself.
i hope i'll be okay soon, i really hate feeling this way.
