its been 3 years since i've last updated this space and honestly i didnt think i would come back. this space has a lot of dark memories that i've been trying to forget and childhood trauma, fears, pain and everything dark that was going on in my life and in me. 

i've grown and i've changed as a person. i'm no longer sad vie, but i do have days where i wonder to myself if i deserve all this happiness and all this love that i get from the people around me. i have a great and amazing boyfriend. a person who loves me when i was at my highest to my lowest. but as i left that long past relationship i often worry whether i am doing things correctly? don't get me wrong. i love him, he loves me. and despite our differences in personality and everything else, we work out. and we're happy together. 

but there are days where i sit and wonder to myself whether what i am doing is.. right? do i love him too much or do i not give enough? i am often afraid of messing up somewhere. i am afraid of doing something wrong in this relationship and end up losing the person i love the most. what if i mess up? 

he loves me, he pampers me, babies me, feeds me, treats me well. he makes me feel happy and bubbly and loved. but sometimes when you're too in love with someone, you tend to forget that one day they can leave too. that fear is always at the back of my head. and its not something i want or pray to happen, but it CAN happen and i dont want that. what if it happens then? what do i do ? 

love blinds us all, so what if im so blinded by the fact that he loves me so much that i start believing that he wont ever go away?